Ghostwritten

 These days, I am reading , finishing and enjoying many books ,that I have bought over last few years. I am also getting rid of books, that I don’t intend to read again. I can say that ,my reading is going rather well.....

I have read some very good books,but I find that, if I don’t write about them during my reading, the thoughts on the book simply evaporate , when I start the next book. Hence this series. Hopefully it will be a series.

Yesterday, I started ‘Ghostwritten ‘,by David Mitchell. I have heard a lot of good things about it , especially on book-tube. One of the book-tubers positively raved about it. But I have never liked the books that she loves. I find them too difficult to understand, too much literary and too less a story.

So,I don't expect to like this book very much. Or finish the book even.

David Mitchell is a genre defying author. His novels are supposedly beautiful and unique . It is recommended that you read David Mitchell books in the order that they are published. That is because his characters jump across his novels. Probably the space he provides for them in one book is not sufficient for them , they have to say a lot more than that was allowed in that particular book.

As a part of my research , I also listened to two videos on David Mitchell. One was an author spotlight video done by the booktuber mentioned in first paragraph . The other was interview of DM. Loved the way he spoke about his books.

I will say this- The first chapter of this book surprised me. It was easy to read and went really fast. Not at all what I expected. I still don't know where the book is going but that is expected.

This is a novel in 9 parts , each of the part is like a novella. The last chapter will bring all the narratives together.(supposedly)

The first story is narrated by a crackpot, a sort of Japanese jihadi , who is responsible for a terrorist attack in the underground tube. He runs away and hides while the terrorist organization has started crumbling. The first chapter ends without really ending. Though the chapter ended , the story continued , just beyond our vision. There was no conclusion.Just like our life.

The second story seems to be about a record seller, though I am not sure whether it’s a male or female. The reason I keep on going through the novel which isn’t making any sense , is the curiosity about how author is going to link all these together.

And yes , it is well written and not too literary for my taste ,( Literary meaning 40 pages full of descriptions of a man walking on the road.), There are things happening ,albeit very very slowly and there are dialogues , which always makes novels easy to read.

This makes me hope that I might like to read his other books one day,my library has a beautiful hardcover edition ‘Thousand autumns of Jacob de Zoet’. It is not only beautiful but also a big,fat one and it appears to be my favourite genre of historical fiction.

But first , I have to finish this one. And like it.

Day 2 of reading.

Day 2 of reading.

I do a little research on the books I read. Actually just a little trivia about the book and the author. I find that Water for elephants was written during a NaNoWriMo. (National novel writing month) . That is exciting. NaNoWriMo produces a published, successful,likable and a saleable book. I also find that all Sara Gruen’s stories have animals and she is an animal activist , too. That is the example of how you can convert your love and passion into a vocation and I find it inspiring.

To come back to the story, our narrator Jacob, suddenly orphaned and clueless about his life, jumps onto a train which is actually a circus train. I love the idea of a person being able to do whatever he wishes to, start an adventure and abandon his entire prior life . I agree , that he doesn't do it by choice, but it is an adventure nevertheless.  On that note , I slept yesterday, thinking of circus thoughts. My eyes were tired, but brain was not.

The book was engrossing enough for me to finish today, without going to the ‘ Name of the wind’. I loved it while I was reading , but 30 minutes later, I find the ending a little too neat and contrived for my liking. Also, I don't like Marlena’s character very much, there is hardly any depth to her. The best character is that of Rosie, the elephant : intelligent, sassy, gin loving , polish speaking (understanding). Jacob is also good as a character . I will not presume that I can advise the author to improve on her creation but everybody need not be forced to live happily ever after . I cared more about the animals than the lovers and felt that Jacob’s bonding with the animals could have been depicted better.

So, that is that.

Tomorrow is a new day , a Sunday , a reading day… will keep posted about what I read ...

2017: Books

The year 2017 was very good in terms of reading and books for me. I have read at least half of the books that I have bought this year which is good but I have not been able to curb the impulse to buy more and more books. In short, I read more but I bought much more !

I acquired a kindle this year and since then I have been buying e books . Only physical books that I bought were second hand ones. I also bought several books by weight, Rs.100 per kg last month.

My reading preferences have changed suddenly and drastically this year. From a non fiction and mystery reader, I have become a fantasy and literary fiction person. I generally do not prefer to but this year I have reread a few books.

Last few months , from September onwards, I have been reading around 10-12 books per month.I have been writing about all the books that I read in my diary since last couple of months. But  I may not have mentioned about some books anywhere , so the actual number may be more.In total , I have read around 80 -85 books this year.

A few books that I loved and I would like to recommend

Lincoln in the bardo by George Sanders - the winner of the man booker prize this year. Abe Lincoln’s youngest son dies.This story is about the president coming to terms with this . More than that, it is the story of the son understanding that he has died. I loved the writing style and the concept.

Trouble with sheep and goats by Joanna Cannon - One day, Mrs.Margaret Creasy simply disappears. Two 10 year old girls who start looking for her and then for God in all the houses of their lane . They believe that He can protect all the persons in their world. The novel is alternately written in voices of the girls and in third person.

Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine by Gail Honeyman - An utterly delightful and well written novel about a girl who wants to be very ordinary and almost invisible.

We were liars by E.Lockhart - A YA novel, I normally do not read YA novels but this was recommended on booktube. A very well written novel about a group of teenagers whose life changes one summer.

Farseer trilogy by Robin Hobb - I finished last book of this trilogy yesterday. These are fantasy books and very very chunky. The last book is 850+ pages. They are part of a huge series consisting of 16 books in total. It is a story of FitzChivalry, a bastard son of Prince Chivalry. The story starts when he is 6 year old. His upbringing, his special powers, his profession (of an assassin),his training, the political intrigue, his quests are narrated in a very interesting manner. I like this book for another reason too - this gave me the confidence that I can read really chunky books too.

The end of your life book club - Will Schwalbe . Author’s mother was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer. While waiting for the chemo sessions at the hospital , she and Will started discussing the books they have read and this book club was started.

The girl with a dragon tattoo -Stieg Larsson. I watched a marathi play based on this novel . I had read the book many years back but watching the play made me want to read it again. I found it as well written and horrifying as I had thought before.

Universe vs Alex Woods -Gavin Extence . I Loved the character of Alex who is a smart 17 year old , a science nerd and a reader . His great friend is Mr.Peterson who is old, somewhat cranky and grows marijuana. I loved Alex’s voice :smart,funny and stating some profound truths in a simple way.

Uprooted -Naomi Novik. While this may not be the greatest book ever, it is special to me because it got me into the fantasy genre. This is a story of a magical, evil forest and is fast paced and well written.

To the bright edge of the world - Eoin Ivey . This book tells the story of an expedition that Captain Forrester took to the Wolverine river in Alaska. It is also the story of his wife Sophie who had to stay behind.

Lillian Boxfish takes a walk -Kathleen Rooney . Mrs.Boxfish,who is almost 80, takes walk, in New York city, on a new year’s eve, thinking about her life till now. This is a story of struggle of a working woman in 20s.

The uncommon reader-Alan Bennett. The Queen is the uncommon reader who takes up reading at a late age and due to this she finds all her other duties boring. This is a  small ,well written and entertaining book with some great quotes about books and reading.

My aim for next year is to read lesser number of  books but of different varieties including nonfiction , to buy less books and finish the books that I have and to write more .

Ghachar Ghochar - Vivek Shanbhag

This is a small book, about 115 pages and which I almost didn't buy....

Last year , when I was totally into nonfiction , I came across this book on Amazon. It kept on popping in my recommendations. Mr. Shanbhag was called a mixture of Chekhov and R.K. Narayan and that piqued my curiosity. I downloaded a sample from this book and I was hooked . There is a character of a waiter called Vincent in the book which reminded me of Jeeves .

This book is translated from Kannada by Srinath Perur ( whose well written travelogue I purchased in the same order). The translation is very good , I never felt that this was not originally written in English. This may be called as a short novel or a longish short story.

This is a story of a family- our unknown , unnamed narrator , his parents, wife, uncle and a divorced sister. When they had no money , there was love and happiness. With sudden arrival of money , the whole family dynamic changes.The uncle , who is street-smart , slightly crooked and holds the purse-strings becomes the most important person of the family. With elevation of social status , the young man , our protagonist , loses a will to be somebody ,thus justifying his unnamed character in the book. Everything revolves around  money and honesty is now termed as insanity...nothing else matters but money ..

I loved the easy, conversational tone of the book.The entire book is actually a stream of thoughts passing through our narrator's mind one day . We know about his childhood , his upbringing , arrival of money and changing family dynamics, his marriage and his aimless -drifting personality.We know that 30 hours have passed since he left home, and we know the suggestive conversation that happened before he left home. We are not given a neat conclusion of the novel , we complete it in our mind - perhaps tame , perhaps sinister or may be perhaps a feminist ending...We only know one thing for sure - our narrator is so used to the money that he will never give up the comfort , he has accepted his spineless existence as the only possible one...

On the whole , a book definitely worth reading...

Fiction or nonfiction

Fiction is stories. Nonfiction is information. Like most readers,I started my reading journey with stories. I passed through phases like ‘only fiction’ and ‘no-fiction’ and now settling down, hopefully into a balanced reading habit.

My English reading started literally overnight. A friend told me that you have to improve your english or else you would do badly in a medical college.( She advised me to read Agatha Christie to improve my english!) I had read only marathi for first 18 years of my life and gave it up just like that one fine(or not so fine) day ! My initial Agatha Christies were read with a dictionary by my side.’N or M ‘was the first title I read and I actually did not understand much.(Now I know that it is a boring book and I would not recommend it to anyone!) 

It is easier to enumerate the genres which I avoid than the ones I enjoy. I don't read thrillers, too dark or depressing novels(I need some positivity in the book), novels with medical background ( probably because I am in that profession? A notable exception is Arthur Hailey's ‘The final Diagnosis’. As a pathology resident, I was asked to read this novel and I enjoyed the book).

My favourite nonfiction genres are psychology/spiritual(Brian Weiss , M.Scott Peck), autobiographies, travelogues(I suspect that I prefer them to actual travelling!), popular science books( The emperor of all maladies , A short history of nearly everything ) and essays on easy to read subjects such as food, movies,books and writing. I also enjoyed reading ‘The Penguin nonfiction collection ,volume 1 to 3 ‘ as it allowed me to try out samples from various topics outside my comfort zone.

Most interesting fiction I read recently : Thursday Next series by Jasper Fforde. I have read first two books in the series and they are fantastic. I love the parallel universe in which these books are set. It is a universe where books are important. There are literary detectives and people have ability to enter the books to interact with the characters.Ingenious , fascinating and complicated!

What I am reading currently : Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari. I had started it a few months back ,then dropped it and read a lot of fiction.

An abandoned warehouse and an invisible helping hand....

Aha! What a fine evening ! I sense that tonight's the night I was waiting for....Finally I will be to help a person, who is about to commit the deadliest mistake of his life .... thereby I will clear my own path.....freeing myself from this in between state......

Well...if you haven't guessed already , I am a ghost ,a 'bhatakti aatma' as they say in our movies ! ( I was a big fan of Ramsay movies,you see ! ....but never thought would get a chance to act in one of those,,, just joking !) Would you like to hear my story ? No,no... it is not going to be a three hour long horror story ...in fact it is not going to be the usual story of birth, education,success , failure at all .....it is going to be an " AFTER" story...rather than a "BEFORE" story.... My story begins at my death....

I died because ...I killed myself ...right here...in this abandoned warehouse ! I couldn't handle my problems and I took this foolish option . I realised afterwards that the solution was just round the corner , all I needed to do was  wait....but I had no patience....

When I passed over, I realised that , by taking my own life, I have stopped my own progress.I did not learn all that I had to , in this lifetime....patience to wait for the storm to get over.... , faith ...that everything is as it should be,there is a lesson waiting at the end of this suffering...that this suffering is not in vain....,and trust that there is a higher power guiding me,taking care of me...I chose to close my mind and end my life.....

Whatever is the story, the summation is the same... choosing death over life...running away from problems instead of facing them.... Never thinking that there could be a better option .... Even I did the same....

But even now,I have an option to help this person...I can not wipe clean my slate , nor can I wipe the hurt I caused to my dear ones....But by helping this person, I can escape these mansions of Limbo....

This is what I am going to do today, stop at least one person from committing the same mistake that I did...You are asking how ? ...by showing him his life review....showing him the options that are available....What happens if he chooses life and what happens if he chooses death.... I have been given special powers tonight.... by Her !

And then...I will be free , to follow my path...of growth and learning....At some point ,I will chose to come back as a human , to learn the lessons that I ran away from....

And I am sure , I will welcome that.....

Hushhh......here he comes...to this abandoned warehouse....wish me luck , folks !....

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

A curious reality of...time !

Note : A science fiction story by my son , Atharva.

“Think of this paper as the timeline of the universe,” Jason spoke, holding out the piece of paper horizontally in front of the students. “Now, time is generally linear, and it is thought to be practically impossible to, as we say, go back in time. However, it is THEORETICALLY possible, that IF we manage to travel at the speed of light, we can overcome the space time barrier and be in a time period, in which our past selves would also exist.” Jason folded the paper. “ This would turn time into a loop. However, such time travel may be decades away, even though we here at CarbonTech have fully directed our attentions towards this issue.”

A student in the jam-packed CarbonTech auditorium raised his hand.

“But, Dr Ray, if we do manage to travel back in time, and do something that affects the future, would that not create a time paradox?”

“Ah…yes”, Jason said with a wry smile. “ You have just raised one of the most fundamental questions related to time since Einstein presented his Theory of General Relativity to the world. Everyone has a different explanation for this, and I have my own ridiculous one. My theory is, that when a person travels back in time and does something to affect the future,-“

He ripped the piece of paper in his hand into two.

“ An alternate reality is created. A parallel universe. Now, every person in the world has made choices at every point in his life. What if a parallel universe sprang into being every moment someone made a choice? There might exist an infinite number of universes, in which every possible outcome has occurred. Imagine it! In one universe, I might be a dishwasher, while in another, I could be the president of the country!”

For a few moments, there was complete silence in the auditorium. Then the door opened and a woman in a lab coat came running in.

“Dr Ray! There’s been an emergency at the particle accelerator!”

“What?!” Ray exclaimed. He spoke to the students, “Well, I have to leave now, you will be given the details of your next lecture.”

And he rushed out of the auditorium.

“What happened?” He asked the technician.

“ We don’t know for sure, but it seems like the accelerator has gone live much before we intended. It’s spewing massive amounts of energy and dark matter and we’re struggling to keep it contained.”

They had reached the accelerator room. Over the chaos, Ray shouted, “I’m going inside! I’ll see if I can find out what’s wrong!”

“Sir, that’s dangerous! We might just have created a black hole here!”

But Jason Ray had already stepped inside the particle accelerator.

A soon as he stepped inside, he felt as if he was being sucked into a vortex. The concept of gravity seemed meaningless, and as he spun around, he could see flashes of colour everywhere. And then it all stopped.

All Ray could see was himself floating in an unending white space. And then, suddenly something materialized in front of him, covering every visible inch of the space. He saw his birth, his whole life, and even his death, projected in front of him like a hologram. It was like a painting, with his life beginning at one end of the canvas and ending at the other. But on this canvas, he could see millions of other tiny projections too. He saw himself washing cars, begging on the street, working as a priest, and even poisoning a man.

And suddenly, he understood what was happening.

“I must have crossed the space time barrier!”,he thought. “Oh god, I’m in a four-dimensional space now, that’s why I can see time like the other three dimensions!” He looked again at the version of him washing cars. “A car-washer…..”, he smiled. “ Close..”

Everything around him exploded.

  *         *         *  

Four days later, Jason Ray lay on the hospital bed, unable to move. He knew his time was over. The explosion of the particle accelerator had thankfully been contained, but it had completely paralysed the brilliant physicist. “Funny I didn’t see my own death properly, “ thought Jason.

“But maybe this isn’t the end after all! Maybe I now begin my life in another universe….as a priest?”

He smiled. “Maybe there was life after death after all.”

F – fiction

Yes…one day I intend to write the greatest fiction ever! The greatest novel !!

Everything is ready!

The characters…some crawling….Some dancing and some prancing…. have already entered my mind. At present they are getting to know each other…building relationship between them….

The right atmosphere…aha! ….it was already there….

The dialogues….yes! ….they are my specialty….I love writing them!....

But….but….something is missing !!! …..

Ohhh !!!....where is the plot ???

Or….should I try this thing , which is called the new age fiction….fiction without a plot ?

Hmmm…..will you read it ?

( My son says …No ! )

That day....

That day.....he shed all the inhibitions....discarded his old self....and crossed the fine line....that defined him....limited him.....made him live a lie....

....and that day  "She "was born.....a new personality......that is what she was really ! ....body changes would come later....they cost money......

Now if only...'his' parents would accept her.....


Note :- This post is written for indispire #110

• Write one liner, fiction, poetry or experience starting with "That day..." #ThatDay

Sighs.....

This post is written in response to the indiblogger prompt "Write a post in which all words start with 'S' "#yestos


Sunset......Seashore......

Sky's sombre shades.....

Sitting solitary.....

Shadows.....

Solemn soul searching..... ?

Soliloquy....... ??

Sad symphony......???

Swan song ......????

 "Sigh ....!!!"

Solitary state.......soul sans satisfaction , significance.......

Sempiternal sadness.....!!!

Sultry...sensuous...

This post is written in response to the indiblogger prompt "Write a post in which all words start with 'S' "

Stars shining...summer sky....

Sweet...sublime ....scent....

Shimmery, singing sea....

Soft , seamless ....silence...

Satiny .... sultry.....symphony...

Solitary ...scenic ....shanty...

Sensuous ......sated ......swim.....

"....sigh...."

".......Siren !! "

She smiles .....seductively....

Learning to live again....

A year gone by.....A year ? Really ?....It seems that, it was only yesterday.....the time hasn't passed at all.....standing still....at the same place ....where we parted ways.....

No....it wasn't easy for me either...though I know.... It was much more difficult for you.....that's because I can see you,but you can't....

Yes....I have been watching you....right from That moment....when it happened....when you were inconsolable.....you couldn't be bothered to eat or take care of yourself....you would have not survived if it weren't for your family and friends.....

Later,I could see you.....sitting in the balcony......your coffee getting cold besides you....seeing but not seeing.... the sunset .... your empty ,dry eyes haunting me ...I felt the torture , the anguish..... "Why did I live ? ".... " How can I live now ?" ...you asked silently.....Yes...I was there ....shedding silent tears....

And I was there too.....when you could't bring yourself to sleep on our bed.....memories of those blissful,heavenly nights....torturing you,haunting you,mocking you....I used to hug you sometimes...and inhale your heady,intoxicating smell...I know , you felt it....a tiny moment of comfort in your barren life....

You couldn't give away my things....you couldn't bear to look at them....You had to call my friends...I am glad , you did....It means that you are learning....learning to live again...without me....

The other day ,you actually smiled...a tiny,sad one,but nevertheless , a smile.....you found my chipped blue mug at the back of the drawer....you always made fun of my attachment to the mug....You thought it was a gift from my..........No ,it was not ! I bought that mug on the same day ...the day on which we met...You were wearing a blue saree and looking beautiful !....

That mug represents beginning of our love my dear....Oh ! Why didn't I ever tell you this ? why ? .....I thought I had plenty of time....I wanted our story to blossom slowly.....and stay fresh forever....now those unspoken declarations and promises are destined to be with me forever....

Slowly, as the days will pass , I hope that you will re-learn....to live again...to smile ,and may be, to love again....I wish you would be happy forever...I want to be a happy memory.. not a deep , painful stab.... in your heart ! Yes...there are going to be tears , but there would be smiles , too ...Life will go on....our journeys will continue in our respective worlds....

As you experience each season without me , you will become stronger,calmer ,....a brave ,positive girl...like you always have been.... Someday,you will look back and you will see a short but happy marriage.....cut short by a painful death.....but as you grow old , you might see bad marriages and bitter , fighting couples and think....my marriage was full of ...only love ! and then may be , in your heart you will find a tiny,tiny speck of comfort.....

My journey with you ends now....I am starting my journey in the other world....a spiritual journey, to discover whys and whats and answers to myriads of other questions that are haunting me .....Farewell, my dear....or should I say..Au revoir ...until we meet again.....

Shadow....

I open my eyes.... Same white ceiling….same black cloud of desolation…. Nothing has changed….

Every day I go over the same story…again and again….experience the same sharp pain….why? Why me?

A huge void inside me and a black empty space in my life….

I don’t know what day it is ….and I don’t care….

I feel sometimes that if I can cry... this dry, rough cavity  inside me may heal….but…there are simply no more tears left….

May be if I could just kill myself and end this agony once and for all…..

Hmmm….one more meaningless day…I say to myself….and all of a sudden I see Her……

Familiar face…hmmm….where  have I seen you ?...eyes ,nose ,that chipped incisor and the mole on right cheek…..but wait….before that…where did you come from??….I am alone in my 6^th floor flat…..the doorbell hasn’t rung since last 3 days….not at all…..

A mild stirring of interest…intrigue and…and…a shock…that’s my face!!

“ Finally ! You have recognized me ! “

Oh God! I am scared! Am I going mad? Hallucinations? Dream? May be I could turn over and go back to sleep.... t this vision will disappear…..

When I open my eyes after some time, the chair is indeed empty….

Phew! That was a dream after all…..

I get up and go about my chores listlessly…and again … there she is….sitting in the front room…waiting for me….

She looks at me accusingly…

“ Who the hell are you ? “ and why that look ?...

“ You lived and I died …”

“What ????”

“ Mom never told you this. There were two of us….”

“ But….NO…That’s not possible ….”

“ Ask mom if you don’t believe me. But you were always stubborn….”

I am sure I am having hallucinations….possibly a part of mental breakdown I am experiencing…..But still….

“ If you are my twin, why come now? …after so many years…”

“You didn’t need me then. You may not believe me but I am your guardian angel, always watching over you….I sent you on this planet, so that you would be able to live a happy , fulfilled life. It was a our pact ! I couldn’t complete my physical journey in this lifetime but you have a beautiful journey ahead of you…But look at you ! All this crying, depression… over a stupid jerk who didn’t value you ! When you started having these suicidal thoughts ,I had to come !  “

Gosh ! my twin sister !! and I never even knew !! My guardian angel !! wow !

Shocking…yes…unthinkable…hmmm…may be….or may be not !!

But whatever she says has a point….

“ Will you come back and visit me ? or perhaps be with me always….” I ask her, hopefully….

“ I am always here. You just have to open your mind and feel me…Please….please…. be happy and honour my sacrifice…..Live life for two of us….”

She smiles….my smile….but beautiful, angelic and serene….I feel her love….hugging me ….comforting me….World is…. Suddenly…. a beautiful place….the dark cloud has vanished…..

The forty rules of love by Elif Shafak

Ella Rubeinstein, a 40 year old housewife,does not even realize what she is missing in her life.One fine day,her teenage daughter announces suddenly that she is getting married..to the love of her life, Ella gets shock of her life...not because of the marriage but with the realization that yes...love exists in this world..at least for some people.

At the same time she is working on a literary assignment for an agency to read a novel about Rumi written by a mystery man A.Z.Zahara.

Both stories unfold side by side- Rumi and Shams of Tabriz in the 13 th century Anatolia & Ella and Aziz.

Love transformed Rumi's life then and love is transforming Ella's life now. Love that went beyond routine and mundane...love that opened Rumi's  eyes ,heart and soul...love that also was pain ..... For someone residing in an  ivory tower and living a perfect life with admirers,disciples,followers and family who worship the ground you walk upon,spiritual exercises( visiting a tavern! lahaul vila quwat!) given by Shams turned Rumi's world upside down.

....and Ella is  in love with someone whom she met only through his book and emails....but she feels he is Shams....

The forty rules are rules of Shams ...rules of sufism...at a time where islam and humanity was under threat of Mongols, Rumi dared to swim against the current." The enemy is not outside us, but inside...Heaven and hell are inside us...shaitan and Allah are inside us."

The story is sprinkled with forty rules,each rule is a spiritual gem."How we see God is a direct reflection of how we see ourselves." " Make every journey, a journey within." " Do not despair that your life is turning upside doen...how do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come ?"

A must read, not only for the story and the superb writing but also for the spiritual insights it provides.The forty rules are like guiding stars..you feel peaceful, serene ,tranquil. You can not help falling for Shams... a saviour....Rumi met him and Ella met him as Aziz.....a person who can look into your eyes and see your soul...beautiful , complete ,whole being....who will help you in knowing yourself ....

A beautiful book !