Saturday, February 6, 2016

Shadow....

I open my eyes.... Same white ceiling….same black cloud of desolation…. Nothing has changed….
Every day I go over the same story…again and again….experience the same sharp pain….why? Why me?
A huge void inside me and a black empty space in my life….
I don’t know what day it is ….and I don’t care….
I feel sometimes that if I can cry... this dry, rough cavity  inside me may heal….but…there are simply no more tears left….
May be if I could just kill myself and end this agony once and for all…..
Hmmm….one more meaningless day…I say to myself….and all of a sudden I see Her……
Familiar face…hmmm….where  have I seen you ?...eyes ,nose ,that chipped incisor and the mole on right cheek…..but wait….before that…where did you come from??….I am alone in my 6th floor flat…..the doorbell hasn’t rung since last 3 days….not at all…..
A mild stirring of interest…intrigue and…and…a shock…that’s my face!!
“ Finally ! You have recognized me ! “
Oh God! I am scared! Am I going mad? Hallucinations? Dream? May be I could turn over and go back to sleep.... t this vision will disappear…..
When I open my eyes after some time, the chair is indeed empty….
Phew! That was a dream after all…..
I get up and go about my chores listlessly…and again … there she is….sitting in the front room…waiting for me….
She looks at me accusingly…
“ Who the hell are you ? “ and why that look ?...
“ You lived and I died …”
“What ????”
“ Mom never told you this. There were two of us….”
“ But….NO…That’s not possible ….”
“ Ask mom if you don’t believe me. But you were always stubborn….”
I am sure I am having hallucinations….possibly a part of mental breakdown I am experiencing…..But still….
“ If you are my twin, why come now? …after so many years…”
“You didn’t need me then. You may not believe me but I am your guardian angel, always watching over you….I sent you on this planet, so that you would be able to live a happy , fulfilled life. It was a our pact ! I couldn’t complete my physical journey in this lifetime but you have a beautiful journey ahead of you…But look at you ! All this crying, depression… over a stupid jerk who didn’t value you ! When you started having these suicidal thoughts ,I had to come !  “
Gosh ! my twin sister !! and I never even knew !! My guardian angel !! wow !
Shocking…yes…unthinkable…hmmm…may be….or may be not !!
But whatever she says has a point….
“ Will you come back and visit me ? or perhaps be with me always….” I ask her, hopefully….
“ I am always here. You just have to open your mind and feel me…Please….please…. be happy and honour my sacrifice…..Live life for two of us….”

She smiles….my smile….but beautiful, angelic and serene….I feel her love….hugging me ….comforting me….World is…. Suddenly…. a beautiful place….the dark cloud has vanished…..