Sunday, February 21, 2016

Learning to live again....

A year gone by.....A year ? Really ?....It seems that, it was only yesterday.....the time hasn't passed at all.....standing still....at the same place ....where we parted ways.....

No....it wasn't easy for me either...though I know.... It was much more difficult for you.....that's because I can see you,but you can't....

Yes....I have been watching you....right from That moment....when it happened....when you were inconsolable.....you couldn't be bothered to eat or take care of yourself....you would have not survived if it weren't for your family and friends.....

Later,I could see you.....sitting in the balcony......your coffee getting cold besides you....seeing but not seeing.... the sunset .... your empty ,dry eyes haunting me ...I felt the torture , the anguish..... "Why did I live ? ".... " How can I live now ?" ...you asked silently.....Yes...I was there ....shedding silent tears....

And I was there too.....when you could't bring yourself to sleep on our bed.....memories of those blissful,heavenly nights....torturing you,haunting you,mocking you....I used to hug you sometimes...and inhale your heady,intoxicating smell...I know , you felt it....a tiny moment of comfort in your barren life....

You couldn't give away my things....you couldn't bear to look at them....You had to call my friends...I am glad , you did....It means that you are learning....learning to live again...without me....

The other day ,you actually smiled...a tiny,sad one,but nevertheless , a smile.....you found my chipped blue mug at the back of the drawer....you always made fun of my attachment to the mug....You thought it was a gift from my..........No ,it was not ! I bought that mug on the same day ...the day on which we met...You were wearing a blue saree and looking beautiful !....

That mug represents beginning of our love my dear....Oh ! Why didn't I ever tell you this ? why ? .....I thought I had plenty of time....I wanted our story to blossom slowly.....and stay fresh forever....now those unspoken declarations and promises are destined to be with me forever....

Slowly, as the days will pass , I hope that you will re-learn....to live again...to smile ,and may be, to love again....I wish you would be happy forever...I want to be a happy memory.. not a deep , painful stab.... in your heart ! Yes...there are going to be tears , but there would be smiles , too ...Life will go on....our journeys will continue in our respective worlds....

As you experience each season without me , you will become stronger,calmer ,....a brave ,positive girl...like you always have been.... Someday,you will look back and you will see a short but happy marriage.....cut short by a painful death.....but as you grow old , you might see bad marriages and bitter , fighting couples and think....my marriage was full of ...only love ! and then may be , in your heart you will find a tiny,tiny speck of comfort.....

My journey with you ends now....I am starting my journey in the other world....a spiritual journey, to discover whys and whats and answers to myriads of other questions that are haunting me .....Farewell, my dear....or should I say..Au revoir ...until we meet again.....