Snowy's head massage

I am taking a walk on a new road,looking for shops selling milk.

There ,a small shop, a chair outside the shop and a young girl sitting on it. 

There was her dog sitting at her feet. She was petting his head and the dog was smiling !! I actually saw him smiling !

I crossed the road.

One litre milk please

The lady sitting inside the shop, presumably, mom of our dog’s mom : 

- Shona, please give them the milk.

-No, I don't want to , I will not and you can't make me.

-Aray Shona, can't you see I have oil on my hands ? I am oiling my hair ! 

( Sitting in the shop on the road !! There was nail polish to behind her. Presumably the next step would be a manicure for the lady !)

-And I am giving a head massage to Snowy ! ( That's why Snowy was smiling ectastically ! Btw Snowy had lovely eyes. He tried to befriend me by smelling me.)

Finally the lady got up , and reached past the person who was sleeping on the floor ( I could see two sturdy legs) and got me the milk.

My conclusion : these people have been thrown out of their house so they sleep , head-massage , and play with their dog in their shop !!

C – The curry story !

“The curry does not taste right today! Are you trying to poison me? I tell you …you are reading too many Agatha Christies nowadays! Just tell me to go away…no need to do these stunts! “

“What rubbish! You are watching too many Hindi movies! Poison you!!  As if!!....Please, I have better things to do….”

“Okay…let’s not fight on this…I was just joking. But seriously, this curry does not taste right! Taste it and see! Have you changed the recipe? “

“You have forgotten, We have got a new cook …I haven’t cooked anything today! “

“A new cook? Who is she? And what have I done to her? Why does she want to kill me?  No..no…don’t look like that …don’t you have a sense of humor ? Okay…please tell me this…Is bitter curry her specialty “

“Aha! Sarcasm!! Let me taste it! “

“Hmmm…It has some very familiar and distinctive flavor ! ‘

“ Oh,Yes ! It smells like….coffee ??? “

“What ? “

“The brilliant lady has put coffee powder instead of cumin powder! She has no brain and she has no nose!!”

“ You are a very disorganized lady..mixing up bottles like that ! One day you will surely kill me !”

“ Bang “ ( A sound of getting hit on the head by a coffee bottle !)

Nobody knows this....

Each of us has secrets....yes...agreed ! but most of them are mundane and boring ( Ah ! Miss marple would have been surely interested ! )

Well...some of us may be lucky enough to have a really ,really interesting person in their acquaintances....somebody with comings and goings at strange times... a spy ? secret service agent ??
Or famous author staying in the next building...( He uses a pseudonym ...even his postman doesn't know this !)...Alas !! No such luck for me !

Oh yes...I forgot about Mr. X....my next door neighbour...who mutters under his breath...doesn't look straight in the eye and  I strongly suspect that he is hiding his streak of madness ....I imagine that he has killed his wife and buried her in the backyard.....only problem in this story is...he never had a wife !!! ( I can not name him....if he reads this, I may be his first victim....aaaargh....!!!!)

Enough of this nonsense....let me tell you a true story....that nobody knows....

I was famous as a sincere,hard working person in my school...but I was not...I was a obnoxious prankster....

This story involves a very dear friend of mine....rather a recent friendship...in school we were just classmates....and she was a very simple and credulous person....

She needed some notebooks and I invited her to come with me after school. My home used to be a dark place as my parents used to be at work . The windows were closed and the curtains were drawn....

What happened that day was...

" Come..come in " I said after opening the door. " Please be comfortable...you can keep your bag on the table there." As she walked in,I closed the door and straightaway went to the bedroom...to get into the character of course!

As she began to get comfortable,I started my drama...." Here...take this book. Ummmm....I want to tell you a secret...I hope you don't mind.....I am not maya."

"What rubbish " she said...hmm ....not so gullible after all !

" I am actually a ghost.Maya died last year. " I said with a deadpan face,slowly tilting my face and rolling my eyes. " I don't usually harm people but I am feeling kind of hungry. Hope you don't mind helping a friend ." ...A small mix up between vampires and ghosts but she was utterly terrorized and didn't notice !

Though on verge of crying ,she managed to open the door and run away .

Next day in school I behaved as if nothing happened. She avoided me as far as possible after that....

Well...that's my little secret...No..no.. not this story...the secret is that EVERY WORD I TOLD THAT DAY  HER WAS TRUE !!!

Ha..ha..Gotcha !!!


NB - This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

Hello there !!!

Hello ! Hello !!

My name is Red ! ....No--No...I am not Orhan pamuk's novel...I am this lady's (The lady... henceforth  referred as m'lady ).... "The Notebook " ...the lady whose blog (Is that what it is called ?)  you are reading currently !....( The notebook ...again not the Nicholas Spark's novel ...)

Now, because I have a red cover, I named myself  Red...! ( Just to mention, m'lady tried reading aforementioned book a few years back, but I am sure she didn't finish it, if she had,she would have surely told me....)

So..my name is Red and I am over a year old..( we do not disclose our true age...nobody knows it...that's why ,perhaps !)...ancient in my community....retired a few months back...spending my days at the back of the cupboard...my place is now taken by Green. I have heard that Green is taller,broder and slimmer than me or my predecessors ...m'lady surely has changed tastes now ! Latest gossip is ....shhh...let this be between you and me...Green is also halfway towards retirement !Ever since  Green arrived,m'lady has been filling pages & pages everyday. I was not so lucky ( or was I ? a matter of perspective...)

I was born in...nah!...not those schoolboy kind of boring details !....Okay...so one fine day,m'lady found me,lurking in the cupboard , empty and tempting..inviting..and decided to make friends with me !

If you see , my initial pages are filled with neat,beautiful writings....excerpts from the books she was reading....self help books...some great passages...notes to be read again and again.But somewhere along the line ,that changed. She read a book called...what was the name ?....hmmmm....let me check...where is it ??....anyway...that's not important....what's in a name ?... So, she read a book which stated that, for true writing,straight from the gut as it is known,you just take a paper and a pen and start writing,without a pause. Ever since that day,my pages are filled with,spidery,running ,sometimes unreadable writings,innumerable grammatical and syntax errors,not to mention some really vile and negative thoughts !

Let me be very honest here...Hope m'lady doesn't read this...she has this habit of reaching seventh heaven after even a little praise....nestled amongst this negative writings are some really good pieces , some of these have already been published on m'lady's blog.Rest are still waiting,till m'lady finds them again.

No...no...please don't look at the last pages...that has nothing to do with writing ( as in literature) There are some phone numbers ( I am always handy,sitting on the table ,next to the telephone) ,some recipes ( ladies will be ladies !) and...I love this....two huge lists - one of the great books she has read in the past and had no time to describe in my pages and second,recommended reading - books to be read in future .

You know, I am retired now,but this is a very happy phase in my life , (In spite of what is written in pages,I have a naturally sunny disposition...) I am spending my days in company of like minded people , discussing interesting books,events ,generally having a good time ! And we are immortal...a happy immortality....association with happy memories and good friends....a contented and a peaceful life  ...I am sure , my remaining  days are going to be very interesting !

I think ,you humans should learn something from us,the secret of serene ,satisfied life. ...guiding  young ones , passing all that we learnt to the next generation....enjoying  immortality...living in the moment !

Yes...it is a distinct possibility ,that after m'lady departs from this planet , I may also not live....termites or the neighbourhood raddiwala and all that....But till then , most of the passages written inside my pages would be immortal , on the thing you call as internet...and the rest ?....it did not deserve to be published....

Okay...on that note I declare this speech to be over and we can go back to the more important business of loving and living life !  Let the celebrations begin !!  Cheerio !!!

I.T. or The cat in the house

Enigmatic title, isn't it ?Well it is apt for the enigmatic person my child has become of late!

I.T. - not information technology but irritating teenager ! ....

......And you must be wondering why cat ? That relates to a whatsapp post I read a few days back ( an utterly hilarious and totally convincing post )" Children when very small are like pet dogs- loyal,loving, following you everywhere. But the moment they enter the teenage , they become like cats-Kings ( or Queens ) of their own world,looking at you disdainfully- " Who is this frumpy creature whom I call mummy ? " They used to sit in your lap a few days ago but now they hate when you pat their head- they either run away or worse still - bite you !"

My son ,he has a wacky and wicked sense of humor- he is also a great mimic -especially great at mimicking a certain preacher whose videos he watches on YouTube. Mimics his lisp brilliantly ! And ofcourse- his teachers-( Hope they wont read this ! )- the mannerisms of creative writing teacher, and the Great terror- the English teacher ! Sometimes I cheat on my diet and sneakily eat a ( not-so-tiny) piece of chocolate- he will tiptoe behind me and shout near my ears " HOW DARE YOU ? I AM WATCHING YOU !!" Hilariously describes how the notebooks of the first benchers get sodden during the math period....

As a teenager he has become very choosy about the food  ( but naturally - has become a junk food fan !) No longer wanting to eat simple food ,he demands exotic dishes and after having them cheekily comments" ये डिश मास्टरशेफ के लायक...." a loooooong pause....my face becomes anxious- what will he say now-" है !!!" Thank God ....the judge has loved my creation !

I remember one instance when while having food he said " Give me lead !"
"Lead?! He wants lead ?"When I looked totally confused,he replied ' Arrey ! Lead is Plumbum ( In Latin or Is it Greek ? Never mind...) Short-form is Pb- means pao bhaji- got it ? You don't know anything ! " ...... Oh my !!!

One should listen to his telephonic conversation " Hello ! " " Yes " " I did " " Geography " " Why ? " The person at the other end must be banging his head ! ( I forget- at the other end is also a teenager,so they are on the same wavelengths ! )

" Are you prepared for tomorrow's exams ?"
" What exam ? Do I have a paper tomorrow ? I don't know....wait....I will ask my friend "
My heart stops. I am about to shout at him when he quips  " I COULD have said that...but I am NOT going to ! I was just testing you ! You will be happy to know that I HAVE finished studying ...yesterday itself ! "

When his results come , they are much below expectation,( Mine....not his,he is happy because he scored more marks than 10 of his classmates ! ) his explanation is  whatever marks he has lost are due to'Standard Deduction'( I thought that applied to taxation ! )

His books ,notebooks are all over the place. When I arrange them neatly , he complains that he can not find anything anymore . His explanation is that there is a method to his madness ( Read : Chaos ) He insists that he is a genius and all geniuses are supposed to be extremely untidy !!

He is an aspiring author. He has written many stories ( actually a  page of each story ! ) . His fictional detective ( the one who must not be named!) has never got to solve any cases , simply because " A chilling / blood curdling scream ! Lights came on !"...and then..... nothing !! He gets his inspiration during the exams which fizzles out because I insist that he should study . ( which he agrees to do...albeit reluctantly ).After the exams other important things come up - football and cricket ! ...so , if world has lost on a great author the culprit is.....ME !!!!

But yes...one thing that makes me truly happy is his love for reading ! My whole house may be untidy but it is filled with books....books which appear and truly are well read ! As he has grown taller than me , he has also become more mature and responsible. He is a great company ( most of the times...at other times he is just an I.T.!)

I am proud of you, my boy ! Whatever you do in life , never give up the ability to laugh and be happy in most situations...Stay blessed !!