Thursday, March 24, 2016

Life around an octogenarian!

Note : A guest post by my 14 year old !

In case the title confuses you, this post is going to be about the highly entertaining exploits of the eccentric man that is my grandfather!

 For some strange reason, I have always called my grandfather by his initials (DS). For the purpose of privacy, but more importantly to safeguard the identity of this occasional detective, let us also call him that.

So how do I describe him? Well, he looks like a lovable old man with an almost hairless head, and exactly( mind you, EXACTLY!)  11 teeth. He has unusually long ears and wears spectacles, but to be honest, his spectacles are more commonly found on the windowsill of the bathroom!
Most frequently, my dear grandfather is found loitering around in the kitchen, gulping down whatever he can find. The two doctors in our family think that he has a pathological disorder of never being hungry, but always eating. Indeed, his favourite hobby is to thrust his hand into any packet of food he can find, take some of it on his palm, and quickly swallow it before anyone catches him at this secret activity!

His OTHER hobby is to constantly peep out of the main door of our hall, maintaining a running commentary on all those who pass.

“Arey, look at the colour of that boy’s pants! If he comes to our house wearing red coloured clothes, I’m going to spank him!”

Or “What is she doing?! She has a MSc degree and she has turned her house into a godown!”

And yes, how could I forget his favourite pastime, of ‘boiling milk’! He feels that it is a sin to refrigerate milk, and even though he has curdled it about a thousand times, his belief that he is the only person who can take care of milk has not been shaken. He often likes to sit perched on the kitchen platform, like a bird, and the comparison does not end there! DS even likes to flap his arms about to show people how he is losing his ‘body balance’!

At one point in his youth, my grandfather was a Medical Representative, and General Manager at Pfizer. Besides an excellent English, this career has also given him a belief that he is a medical authority, and can diagnose himself. I’ve often caught him examining himself in the mirror, sticking his tongue out, and making weird sounds to prove the presence of an ulcer!

However young he might seem though, he IS 81,and his age is sometimes seen in his eccentric and irrational behavior. HE has often barked at my friends on the telephone, and his fights with the neighbours (Not to mention MY AUNT) are legendary. He also loves quarrelling with our household helps, and I vividly remember the time when he ran from the bathroom to his own room on seeing the ‘bai’,shouting, “ Arrey baap re! He aala!” ( Which translates to- “ Oh my god! It has come!”

Yet, however eccentric he is, he is also a very doting and loving grandfather, and also a very kind and helpful person when he decides to be. His vigour and enthusiasm are definitely worth emulating, and I would like to end this post by saying that a home for me without him would not be a home at all.